Peace

I woke up one morning to Herman ranting and raving about something I left out on the counter too long.  It was the bacon.  I should have thawed it in the refrigerator or placed it in cold water, but I was too tired.  I worked eight hours myself.  I took out the bacon and set it on the counter while pulling off my clothes to go to bed.  When I thought about it, Herman legs weren't exactly broke.  If he wanted bacon that bad, he could have taken the bacon out himself.  No, Herman was already snoring on his side of the bed and part of my side.  Herman was a selfish man.  His thoughts and actions seemed to always be about himself.  Herman did not begin as a selfish person, but years of unconditional reward caused him to feel like life was his automatically.  Even his courtship of me was simply about himself.  We ate at his restaurant, drank his favorite wine and watched his favorite movies.  I only had his attention and affection when life was about him.  Now, I done done it.  The bacon is ruined and he has reckoned it to the loss of the Titanic.  His words, are always on the cutting edge of accusation so I just waited for it.  He spoke of his blessed mother who could do no wrong and his father who was a saint.  He talked about the heritage of great people he had come from and how he should have married a girl named Shirley.  Shirley would know how to thaw bacon.  I slipped on my coat to run to the nearest convenience store in my daily request for redemption.  I reached the parking lot and a panic settled over me like an impending spanking.  I cried like a child and shivered like an addict.  I stayed in that car far longer than it took to buy bacon and I realized that I just could not go back.  I had twenty six dollars in my pocket and the clothes on my back.  I had a quarter tank of gasoline and flip flops on.  I didn't even have a sanitary napkin in my purse.  I went past the stoplight and into the open road.  I didn't care that the next town was twenty miles away.  I never saw Herman again and I never cared.  He wrote and he cried, but Peace had finally been achieved.  I could never see myself in Hermans arms again.  The only reason I attended his funeral was for the closure I needed.  I did not find love again, and I did not care, but I did find peace.  Finally, I found peace.

Full

Proverbs 27:7New Living Translation (NLT)

⁷ A person who is full refuses honey,
    but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry.

 

I can remember being young and expecting marriage, but I was not hungry for it.  Then I can remember compatriots who were so hungry for the ring, that you could have dressed up a scarecrow and stuck him at the end of a church aisle for a groom.  It was sad to see young women like that.  I don't think that she knew how hungry she was.  She was so hungry that she married stale bread and ate like a queen.  I guess no one ever told her that queens don't feast on stale bread.  That is hungry at it's best.  Then there is full.  There are some people who have life so presented on a platter that they never experience hunger.  They despise a well cooked chicken, a soft bed, a beautiful mate or the air that they breathe.  They come to despise good things because they have never had to deal with the poverty of not having.  Sweet water becomes boring when you have never had bitter.  For this cause, sometimes, I pray that God allows a bit of hardness in a life.  It will help give a healthy perspective on things.  A bit of hunger does well to the appetite.

Big Kids Eyes

I can remember a spot in time.  I was ten years old and my family had went to the grocery store together.  We normally did not do this, but this was the case on this day.  Our family had gone through many storms and there was a shred of light at the end of the tunnel.  Both my parents were finally working.  We rented a nice house and we had a car.  We finally had a car.  I was feeling like all was going to be well when my mother started this conversation with her husband about quitting her job.  There was talk that she had made a mistake, but she felt that it was someone else.  I heard her mention that there was a serious medication error.  I thought to myself that it would end her career.  We only had two hospitals in the entire town.  If you messed up at one, the other would not hire you.  It was at this point, that I realized that we were soon going to lose everything that we said we had.  I thought we were off the roller coaster ride, but it has just stopped to start all over again.  Eventually we did lose the house, the car, and the family unit.  My mother and stepfather separated permanently.  My brother went to live with another relative.  We made it in on bits and pieces.  I could tell all of that was coming from that one day in the back of the car.  It is truly amazing when a kid gets his big kids eyes.