Takers

Takers
You cannot tell "takers" that they are entitled to take.  I hear all the time that you should give back.  I believe in giving, but you have to be careful with "takers".  They take until there is nothing else left.  they take until you are in the same position as they are.  When they are done taking, you become nothing, because you have nothing else to give.  I can remember a time when someone blessed me.  They gave, but I had the sense to make sure that they did not give again.  I did not want to be in that position again.  Another person in my life was a taker.  She took what you had and when you had nothing else to give, she still took.  She died as a "taker".  Sometimes, the taker does not realize that they are a taker because they  gave away their opportunities.  These folks weren't handed a hard knock life, they volunteered for one.  You can't tell me that we don't know crack cocaine is not addictive, or that having a baby without a job or husband is risky business.  We know, but those who volunteered for the position now want givers to help them out.  You can't tell these people that they are entitled to take.  Givers must understand who they are giving to.  You have the right to give where you want to give.  Give to those who fell in the ditch not jumped in the ditch.  Give to those who are victims and not volunteers.  Give to those who are hopeless, not to those who gave up their hope.  At any cost, avoid Takers.

The Promised Land

Sometimes, I marvel at how immature my mind was or how much I learn after I thought I had learned enough.  I so desperately want to leave.  Leaving is something that is always on my mind.  It is the impending sense that something else is waiting for me at the end of the rainbow.  If I just can make some steps to place myself in the land of my dreams, then my dreams will come true.  I feel inhibited by the constraints of an ordinary life, and I have nothing but contempt for those who just go to work and come home.  I also understand that all I ever wanted was ordinary.  I dreamed of living in a normal home with a normal husband and normal children.  It is actually the first dream I had.  In reality, I had a sick mother, an absent father, a sea of pedophiles for relatives and everyone I knew was broke.  When I got old enough to ask, I asked about the existence of this place in my dreams.  Many wanted same thing but, they weren't there either.  We all were sojourners on the way to the promised land.  I learned that even " The Promised Land" will have giants and Hittites.  No place is coming without it's issues.  No church will be perfect.  No school will be perfect.  No one will have a carefree life.  Somehow, I think that when I get up the road a piece, I will see the sun shining right where I am and realize that I was there the whole time. 

I need me

Today, I am in my classroom and I am thinking about children and adults alike, who don't know how to love themselves.  They get into relationships that aren't healthy where they are used to make others feel good, but they themselves come out suicidal.  They hurt themselves, they cut themselves, they torture themselves because they have no self esteem and no self worth.  Their relationships with people mean more to them than they do themselves.  I liken this person to the person for which everyone has value accept them.  I pray for their strength.  I am acutely aware that, at the end of the day, I am the only person I have left.  I need me.  I need me to be whole and healthy and well.  I can't let you destroy me because I may be all I have left.  When you get through destroying me, you still have you.  You can repent, get yourself together and live another whole life after you destroy me, but not I.  I have to survive.  I will survive. I ...................survived.

Love again

It is that time of the year.  I am back at work facing another bunch of students and we have just prayed.  Paint has been on the walls and I am wearing my teacher clothes.  For some, this is just a job in the midst of a lot of jobs they have had.  It is a paycheck.  For me, there is so much more.  I feel like I am their mother.  I spend five hours a day making sure they are safe and that they are educated.  Their parents trust me to love their children like they love their children or better.  I have never been able to be selfish enough to refuse to love someone.  I have loved many who now don't love me back.  When I think back on it.  I didn't lose anything by loving.  When you truly love someone, you don't lose, you gain.  Well, it's time to go love again.

Won by a landslide

Sitting here at the end of my summer session, I am a teacher, I have had some time to reflect on my mother.  I have written before that she was not the best mother.  My mother had internal struggles that led to her mothering skills being a tad bit compromised.  Where I work, there are some strange examples of mothers all of which were affected by something in their lives that made them bad mothers.  As a matter of fact, some were horrible mothers.  That is when I had a Eureka moment.  I have always compared my mother to good mothers.  When I did, she did not even compare.  She was a bad mother.  When I compared her to bad mothers, she won by a landslide.  If you are comparing apples to apples, a bad apple is really bad.  An apple doesn't stand a chance being compared to oranges.  My mother should have never been compared to women who weren't abused, weren't abandoned and weren't neglected.  My mother often said that she was a poor "throwed away" child.  If you compare her to Claire Huxtable, she was a miserable failure.  When I compared her to the woman who was sexually abused who then molested her children, abandoned her children and suffocated them in hot ovens, my mother won, like I said, by a landslide.  Now, I know what the old folks always told me.  She did the best she could.  She wasn't an apple, she was an orange and if compared to oranges, she did pretty darn good.

Victims

So often, we expect God to prove who he is by doing something for us.  The thief on the cross said, "If you are God, then save yourself and save us".  Jesus did not save himself though he could have.  Jesus did not save them, though he could have.  At the end of the day, he still was Jesus.  We have to watch asking God to do things for us to prove that he can do it.  He is a healer who does not have to heal.  He is a savior that does not have to save.  He is a rewarder who does not have to reward.  When you base what a person is on what they do for you, you minimize them.  Some people only have friends who do something for them.  They only open the door for love if there is something in it for them.  What ever happened to love for the sake of love and giving for the sake of giving.  When you can only give to those who give something back, you open yourself up to be used.  You will go places where the food is free and not consider that the food is a trap.  People who continuously look to gain from giving are called one thing.  Victims.

The Help

Some people always cry for help. Everytime I see them, they have a :-( and the sad song. When you ask them what is wrong, they say I need help. Well, I have seen God answer that prayer. I have seen God go into other systems where people are perfectly fine being there, and send them to the people who need help. Now something interesting happens when folks come to help you.  All of a sudden you start feeling like they are coming to take your place and do a better job. Well you asked for help and help came.  Now you are offended by the help. So often we get offended by someone coming to help us do what God said to do. We get territorial about what God told you to do when you can't do what God told you to do because you need help. So did you push everyone away who came to help you and your job did not get done properly?  God please help us not to get offended by the help. God help us when he decides that he's going to send the help somewhere else. Maybe he will send the help somewhere where they will appreciate it. Maybe he will send the help somewhere where they understand how to treat people. They understand how not to hurt your feelings because they do something better than you. Pharaoh said to Joseph except for the crown you are higher than I. Pharoe did not feel threatened by Joseph and Joseph did not feel like he was being abused by Pharoe. It was a beautiful relationship and all of Egypt and all of Israel was blessed by it.  Sometimes an angel of light really comes as an angel of light. Let us not be offended by the help.