Yes, they lived in the projects

Now, that I talked about what I learned in a wealthy place, I want to address what I learned from two women who lived in the projects.  One woman was my great aunt and the other was her neighbor.  The lived in row houses in Chicago.  They were in the hood, but not of the hood.  They kept flowers growing in their front yard.  You could eat off the floor.  My aunt mopped everyday and kept Kool-Aid in the refrigerator.  She often had treats that I thought was interesting.  She would treat herself to a bowl of oyster soup.  The neighbor rose so early, you could smell the bacon in your dreams.  You can set your calendar by the times that she did her laundry and both women watched their language.  I so enjoyed my summers and evenings with my cousins who lived there.  My uncle could fix anything that was broken and he was a good uncle.  There never was any funny stuff with him.  They ate at the table like normal people and their apartment glowed at night with warmth and good feelings.  They were refined people in an unrefined place, yet that did not change them.  There were many a person who told their children not to take rides or candy from drug dealers even though they were the kings of the block.  You would get beat until you saw the light for just even talking to the neighborhood hoodlums.  My older cousin went to church faithfully every Sunday and to this day, he is a gentle giant.  My cousins are highly successful from that place called the projects and that is because they had to live by different rules.  Yes, even I learned what I could do with my life, from the projects.

Single and Saving money

Many people think that you have to spend a lot of money for good quality clothing, makeup and shoes.  I contend that you don't need to spend a lot to get a lot.  Here are some tips for singles who need to look good and save money too.

1.  Find what you look good in and spend money on what you look good in.  You have tried the trends and they did not work for you.  Now, go for the cut or fabric that makes you look like a knockout.

2.  Look for famous brands in places that you don't expect them.  High end consignment can offer designer looks without the price.

3.  Shop off season, enough said.

4.  Accessorize your outfits.  A scarf and a pair of earrings goes a long way.

5.  Learn to cook.  The money you save can go to spice up that wardrobe.

6.  If you buy makeup, wear the makeup.  It does have an expiration date, use it or loose it.

7.  Travel.  It gives you an opportunity to find interesting pieces that will define your look.

8.  Remember that elegance is not how much you have on, but how well you wear what you have on.

9.  Anything that is too tight looks cheap no matter what you paid for it.

10.  A loud and tacky attitude can destroy the most exquisite of evening gowns.

Learning to Live

I grew up strict pentecostal.  I did not wear pants until I was about twenty two.  I did not wear makeup until I was eighteen.  I listened to only Christian music and most days, I went to church.  I became a member of a subset of Christianity that was a secluded group all of it's own.  We perceived ourselves to be the only church that one can go to and we did not fellowship outside of our churches.  I lost relevance with my peers and gave this church everything.  In my twenties, I broke away from this church and found that life was so much bigger than that.  I became more sophisticated.  I learned that secular music was not all bad and christian music was not all good.  I learned how to go to the movies.  I learned how to dance and I wore lipstick.  It was not until I was able to see that I am not all spirit, but that I am body, soul and spirit, that I began to grow as a person.  It was not until I broke from the traditional path, that I understood a basic balance issue.  God only required of Israel, ten percent of their income.  For the Levites, who served all day long, they were relieved from the menial task of working because they lived from the tithe.  Levites were chosen to give all of their lives, the others came in and out of worship and gave only a tithe.  The rest of their lives, they married, they gave in marriage, the planted gardens and they ate from them.  They drank wine at weddings and they mourned at the passing of loved ones.  They lived their lives.  When I emerged from such a restricted place, I did not know how to live.  Thank God I have a better balance now, then I did then.  Being in a place where no one else is right but you, you have set rules to follow and it excludes those who don't follow the rules is the basic setup of a cult.  A place where everything you do is related to them.  Thank God for balance.
     Going forward, this life I used to live, made me uncomfortable as a human being.  I was told that God would send you a husband and never learned the art of dating.  I was discouraged from dating to simply sit and wait on God.  Well, I sat and I waited.  I am now passing a milestone in age and I am still waiting.  The religion made me uncomfortable with being a woman and expressing my femininity.  I suppressed the sensual part of me that longed to run barefoot through the tulips and then perhaps maybe, I would fall in love.  Falling in love is now impossible for me without help from on high.  I had to learn to become comfortable with my own sensuality that was forbidden to ooze out in a song, or even a dance.  I became hard and unmoving, unyielding and rigid.  I was for sure God had more in store for me than this.
     My salvation came at a time when the pastor did not know my name, most of the church did not know my name and somehow that worked.  The freedom to have a cocktail at a wedding and to dance all night long was finally available to me.   I could explore different ways to display what was suppressed.  I could take a long walk in a short dress and a flower in my hair.  I could listen to Barbara Streisand all day long and I could talk on the phone with a man and just have a great conversation.  The balance of being able to figure life out on my own just like the rest of my peers.  No not me, I kept myself for marriage only for the guys in the church to marry women with two and three kids.  Now, nothing and no one will keep me from living the life I want to live.  I am so glad that I found it worth the living.

Things I learned from a place of wealth

Any person who desires to have money needs to get some things figured out first.  At one point in my life, God dropped me off in a wealthy place.  For the first time in a long time, I was around people that did not have to struggle for money.  It was one of the greatest lessons learned.  One of my teachers was a man with a family that simply loved me.  I spent many a Sunday dinner at his house.  He told me of a time when he attempted to go to a impoverished church where he and his wife clearly made more money than most of the members.  He said that the situation was so dire, he ended up leaving for a church where they could be more comfortable.  Here is what I learned.
1.  Disparity in income can cause rudeness.
2.  When people know you have money, you will constantly be asked for it.  Learn to say no without qualifying it.
3.  Your finances are private even if it is publicly known what you do for a living and that living pays well.
4.  Question motives.  Some people follow money and that may mean that they will follow you.
5.  Make your inner circle consist of people who are like you.
6.  Avoid public giving, make your financial contributions in private.  For this cause I stopped giving money in offering baskets and prefer to send it online in the form of a check. 
7.  Put your money in property.  Don't remain a renter, buy your home.
8.  Cars depreciate the minute you drive it off the lot.  Don't put all your money into a car.
9.  Save something
10.  The most expensive item you own should not be your coat.  Looking good is relative.
11.  Stop outpatient care.  When your money is going to every one's problems but yours, something is wrong.
12.  Put your family in check, they are the first leeches to come.
13.  Don't fool with anyone who won't work.
14.  Lay away for retirement.
15.  Look for ways to show charity that avoid giving directly to people.  I personally give my charity to churches and child welfare agencies.  If you ask me directly, I will say no.

I am not rich, but I am certainly on my way.  I have always known that wealth was in my future so I make sure I talk to people who can tell you a thing or two about money. 

He hated the woman I became

I can remember when I was nineteen.  I went to see my father who had not seen me for over fifteen years.  It was bittersweet.  When I went to see him, I was in my sophomore year of college.  I had a lot to say and he cried over it.  He hated the woman that I became.  I was independent.  I refused to depend on him for anything.  I had learned through the years that he was not dependable.  Sometimes, he sent something for Christmas and sometimes he did not.  Sometimes, I knew where he lived and sometimes I did not.  Therefore, I learned to be independent.  I learned to speak up for myself.  My father was silent on every major issue that I had faced until that point, choosing to only become vocal when there was no chance that he would have to pay child support.  I learned to be vocal.  I learned to be fatherless.  I covered myself.  I protected myself and I paid for college all by myself.  I made mistakes and I paid for them.  I learned to be fatherless.  When he saw the woman I became without him, he did not like me anymore.

My Southern Ladies Training

I did not grow up in the south.  I grew up in a place where most of the people there were born in the south.  That being said, most of the people had very southern ways.  I spent my formative years there and I still can remember it.  For starters, the women who made me let it be known that you should not go out the house looking like your not ready to meet the world.  They got dressed in the morning for the day like they got dressed for work or church.  Even if they were going to the post office, they looked presentable.  In a way, they developed a signature.  I can recall the different products that represented people.  Pastor Parker would don a turbine when her hair was not done.  Aunt Brunette wore her signature Chocolate Raspberry lipstick.  Laura Cheatham could be seen in the evenings and mornings walking her dog named Brown Sugar.  Carolyn Black has worn her hair in a bun since I can remember.  I can tell you who is coming down the street even from the back.  For the men, the defined themselves by where they worked.  Brother Bolling worked at Wendy's.  Brother Morgan worked at Illinois Power.  Rev. Downey worked for the city.  Now that I think of it, every Rev. looked like one wherever they went.  Sunday was the greatest day of the week.  Some of the southern women cooked two meat or entrees on Sunday.  Dinner was always early and it followed church service.  Most of the town went to church somewhere.  Whether it was Greater Faith Tabernacle, Shiloh Baptist, Pavey Chapel or Lively Stone, we went to church.  On Sunday you could not turn on the television and we went to church all day long.  Other days of the week paled when it came to Sunday.  On Sunday, we wore our best clothing.  There was no such thing as casual and you said greetings to everyone.  It was a genteel society, but I loved it.  The rhythms and the waves helped you time life and gave it meaning.  When I look back at my life and how I lived it, I owe most of who I am today to those women and men.  They seemed to put a little elegance in everything they did.  They ate on table cloths and wore spring coats.  They stopped to say hello and acknowledged my very existence.  For that I am grateful.  That town has changed, but it is still very southern.  The "all you can eat" buffet has the best mashed potatoes I have ever eaten.  Most folks still stop and speak and you can find someone in dress and heels in the grocery store.  I was healed by this place.  Now that I live in a town where sleeping and waking are not always in rhythm and Veteran's Parkway has three lanes of traffic, I thank God for my Southern ladies training.  They taught me to be human in a very cold and cruel world.