Afraid

Last month, I had a very normal thing happen in my life.  I am now 44 and 44 brings with it it's own brand of health.  My bones crick.  My muscles ball up in a knot and I had a vitreous detachment in my eye.  It is harmless, but scary none the less.  My anxiety went through the roof.  I slept with the light on.  I cried like a spanked child.  I called on God.  My blood pressure went through the roof.  I felt like life was over.  Then I called on God again.  I realized that this was the price of living.  I drove anyway.  I eventually turned the light back off.  I learned to get a little more rest.  I started watching television.  I found a roommate and I started living again.  In the midst of it all, I realize that I was beginning to live my life afraid.  Afraid of the doctor.  Afraid of what they would say.  Afraid of what they would find.  Afraid to sleep alone.  I could not live life that way.  Somehow, I had to convince myself that the same God that kept me when I had nothing to worry about but the flu, was the same God that was going to keep me now.  He had not changed.  He was still there.  Despite the fact that I was feeling my age, God was still there being God.  He never left my side even though I had no clue what was going on.  God does not fade.  So I put my red lipstick back on and I started to live again.  I know that there are still some bumps in the road, but I don't have to be afraid.