I survived

Growing up in God was a chore.  I became a christian when I was twelve.  Being so young in God meant that a lot of life would happen while "in God".  My most disappointing day came as a christian.  My fears and failures developed when I was a christian.  I know now, what most of the older saints did not know.  Many of them became Christians after a life of sin and consequences.  They told me that being saved meant that I would not have those consequences, but they did not really know the cost of being saved young.  Most just lied because they did not have the testimony.  As time went on, I realized that salvation is not your guarantee that life will be sweet.  It is not your guarantee that troubling days won't come and stay for a while.  It simply means that you are going to cross the swelling of the Jordan with God.  He is not going to remove the Jordan.  Then there were the times when there was a denial.  God told David that he would not build a temple.  That must have hurt David.  I know now that some of my greatest dreams are not going to come to pass.  I know that you can be in the midst of a christian life and fill totally unfulfilled and unhappy.  I know that you can cry your worst tears in God.  It is a sobering knowing and one that makes me smile.  In time, you temper your desires, and keep moving on.  The day after I realized that life was just going to be rough for a while, I took a deep breath and lived it.  My absolute worst fears came upon me and something wonderful happened........................I survived them.  I looked around me and I was still here.  I decided that I can't allow myself to waste time worrying about what will never be.  I suck it up and live the life I have one day at a time.  In time, I even learned to create new desires to replace the dead ones.  You learn to recreate your desires to fit where you are now.  I refuse to not live the life I have.