The Roof, the roof, the roof was on fire.

I can remember when I was the fireman.  I ran from disaster to disaster hoping that I could make things better.  I think that is the way I was raised.  You always went toward the person who needed help.  Those people sort of expected to be helped.  Now, I ask questions.  I don't rush to save things that are not worth saving.  I might just stand and let your house burn if I find no redeeming value in the house.  I ask how the fire started.  If you started the fire based on your own stupidity, then your house can burn.  If I will lose my house to save yours....................let it burn.

You Don't Love Me

If God showed you that I was worth more money than your dreams could birth.
You would love me.
If God showed you my fields ripe for picking, juice dripping sweet for licking.
You would love me.
If God gave you a view of all the things I could do for you.
You would love me
If God supplanted all your fears showing you my hurting tears
You would love me.


Since God has left me behind the veil, you defame my name and condemn me to hell.  You encircle yourself with friends and lie, they then believe without asking why.  And I can tell when my name has been on your lips by the way they snap their heads and purse their lips.  I am nothing to you so I am nothing to them, and they reject me until you meet with Him.  He tells shows you what folly you have made and now I'm made in the shade.


But you don't love me.

No where left to go

I don’t like to think of children who are left with no place to go or adults who have run out of chances.  Today, my thoughts are on the group of people for which they truly have run out of chances.  There is nothing else left to say.  All of the chips have been cast in.  The time for change has passed.  What is, is now what will be.  To me, that brings me a sense of peace.  I like endings and I absolutely adore benedictions.  I can leave without saying goodbye, but it is nice to have one.  I enjoy the peace of it.  With that in mind, a prayed for a person who has come to the end of the road.  I don’t think that I will ever see her again.  If I do, she will not be what I know to be her.  She will be a shell with the life drained by life.  These are the times, when one truly needs to call on God as loud and as much as one can.  If God does not move, then what will be, will be.  I think of the times where God did not answer prayer and I can’t blame God for not intervening in the course of events that are just that.  It is a course of events.  It is as things should be.  It is the fate of man without the intervention of God.  When I consider the implode of my family, I understand that it was how it should have been giving all of the ills that plagued us.  If something great were to come out of something horrible, barring God, it would not make sense.  When I think of this child and where her life is going.  It is how it should be.  For this, I say Come soon Lord Jesus.  He is her only help now.

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Experience.

Experience teaches you a lot of things.  I can remember when I was young and stupid.  I thought I had the world figured out.  I thought it would work out just like I had imagined it in my ideal state.  I would marry, have 2.5 children, a house with a white picket fence and a dog named Spot.  Little did I know that a day would come when I would cry uncontrollably over the fact that none of those things would be mine at the age I thought it would happen.  Even sadder, was the day I realized that some of it would never happen.  My hair thinned.  Menapause loomed over my head.  My bed was empty and so was my womb.  That was a hard crash.  I was devastated.  This was the thing that tempered me and took me off cloud nine into some reality.  I had to learn to be happy a whole new way.  I didn't think I could be happy a whole new way, but I did.  I learned that an amazing sun still shined on my empty days.  I learned that I can still laugh from the pit of my stomach.  I learned to find people to help me be the best I can be and I lived the life I never thought I would live.  Experience does that to you.  If your at this abyss, don't jump off the cliff.  I guarantee that it gets.............better.

Doors and Windows

I have learned never to move without doors and windows.  When I was young, my mother would flee her domestic situation in the middle of the night.  She would have nowhere to go.  She would not have a job.  She didn't even give notice that she was leaving.  Granted her situation was dire, it had been dire years before she decided to do something about it.  It had been dire so long that she could have made her exit with a little more thought.  One time, I remember her running to a city where her professional license was null and void.  She had to go back to school to take classes just to do what she had done so easily in the state that she ran from.  It was the worst year of our lives.  We were so impoverished.  I learned from that, that one should always look for doors and windows.  Never move to a place because you want a change of venue.  Move because there is a job or a spouse or an opportunity.  Move because you can be a better you in a better place.  If you are just fed up with seeing the sun rise over the same cornfield, .................stay where you are.