I know how this looks............

Yesterday morning, I woke with a thought that I could not process because of time.  It is a direct reference to how things look.  If you look at my life right now, things don't look good.  On many levels, I look God forsaken.  I have prayed against a disease that appears to be going nowhere.  I am stuck in a job that won't give more than a three percent raise.  Men ignore me and my family sleeps in Oakwood Cemetery.  The only color that this picture can be painted in is blue.  I hide it in shadows so that the feeble minded would still have hope.  I run from the lament that most people feel obligated to give.  I smile in the face of it.  The bottom line is that it looks bad, but looks are just one dimension of it.  People are more complex than looks.  We have a depth that sometimes is ignored by what we see at first site.  I am not unhappy.  My disease has not overtaken me.  My job has been consistent where other teachers are working at WalMart.  The men, who ignore me, should ignore me because they can't afford me.  The family that landed in the grave kept me obligated with their needs while my own vineyard I have not kept.  My home is empty, but most people come and relish the peace that resides in it.  They come to my house and just sit down.  I have been told that it is warm and pleasant.  People love to come visit me because my home is a home.  God has not forsaken me.  It just looks like he has.